


Diary?

by ZoweBubbles



Category: Music - Fandom
Genre: Diary, Lol this doesn't really fit in a fandom, Music, Other, midnight thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-27 19:12:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10815015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoweBubbles/pseuds/ZoweBubbles
Summary: This is sort of going to be my sporadically updated diary - but anyone can read it. :)





	1. Chapter 1

23:08  
03/05/17

I wrote a song today. A full song, with chords and lyrics and a rhythm. I like it. It's mine. No one else's. No one can claim it as their's except me. I like it when I enjoy what I create. 

I drew some art today. A full piece, with colour and linework and shading. I like it. It's mine. My idea on a page in colour. No one else made that pattern except me. I like it when I enjoy whay I create. 

I have been thinking a lot about the future recently - more specifically my career future. I have so many passions that I don't know which ones to follow and they're all becoming mashed. But I like a challenge. My main choices are Art, Music, YouTubing ((I have a channel under the same username on Ao3)) and potentially Tattoo Artistry but I have no idea which, if any, I will pursue. 

Do I want a band music career or a solo music career? I'm unsure. I'd love to travel the world with my best friend, but I'd also love to create my own sound and image. Who knows what the future holds? I don't. 

"But where's the adventure and mystery in knowing? Where's the motivation in not knowing? If only we could know just enough to keep going."

No, the passion alone is the motivation, the dream is the prophecy. And you will make your dreams come true. I promise. 

Whatever you want, do it. I am working on getting more content on my YouTube channel, whether it's music, scetches, talky videos - I'm working on it. And it's never too late to start working on your dreams either. 

Goodnight everyone. 

Zøë. XD

23:23


	2. Chapter 2

16:13  
06/05/17

I think it's important to get inspiration from what you love.

Inspiration often helps you realise who you want to be and I think that can be a beautiful thing. 

Anything can be your idol; whether it's the local paper boy or a $$££ popstar. 

I find inspiration for my art all around me. I find inspiration for my music on YouTube, watching my favourite artists. 

Finding who you are is definitely one of the most important things. Along with working for your dreams and reaching those end goals. 

For example, I get a lot of inspiration from bands and artists I like as well as where I like to spend my time. So, if you have a passion, what's your inspiration for it? What about that passion inspires you to stick to it? 

In the words of Tyler Joseph, "Are you searching for purpose? Then write something, yeah it might be worthless. Then paint something, yeah it might be wordless. Pointless curses, nonesense verses. You'll see purpose start to surface. No one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating could be the beginning of your meaning, friend." 

What you create doesn't necessarily have to mean anything to anyone if it means something to you. 

I hope you find your inspiration and reach your goals. 

~ Zøë

16:22


	3. Chapter 3

13/05/17  
22:23

I'm fine, I tell myself even though I've been crying. 

I'm fine, I say in place of the words "I'm not okay" because I can't say those words. 

I feel like I'm wired up the wrong way, like I'm a jigsaw piece in the wrong puzzle box and I don't know why. 

Every now and then I get caught up thinking too hard about everything and I end up drowning in a void I created. 

I want to get my mental health analysed and diagnosed by a professional. I want to be tested for Bipolar Disorder, Panic Disorder, Insomnia, Anxiety Disorder and I want to be re-evaluated for ADHD because I think I was misdiagnosed at age 4. 

At age 4 teacher would complain about me climbing under tables, throwing pens, shouting, fidgeting, being hyperactive, being impulsive and walking out of the classroom when asked to calm down. My mum took me to a child psychologist and I got tested for ADHD. The psychologist said I was an "active child" and I would "grow out of it." I'm almost 17 now and I'm still waiting. 

I have a lot going on now, and it's not that I don't have people I can talk to. It's that I don't want to burden people with my issues, I don't want to bring people down by telling them I feel irrelevant. I don't want to offend people by telling them that I have no one, because when they get offended, they leave, and then I really don't have anyone. 

My stepmum says I can talk to her but I don't want to.

I don't want to talk to anyone. But I want help. Confusing, right? Exactly. 

I just want someone to tell me how fucked up I am, what a broken mess of a human I am so that I can have at least some solidarity in my life; even if it's knowing that I'm a freak and that that is a concrete fact. 

"I need help, Doc." ~ Carol Ann Duffy, The Cliché Kid. 

I just want it all to stop. 

~Zøë 

22:35


End file.
